Always Late

Families attending church occasionally run late. This is very stressful for the parents, because being late means all the good seats in back are taken. This requires parents to shamefully walk down the isles to the front while the service is in full swing.

Kids are always oblivious to this fact. So they skip and laugh and wave to their friends, causing a big scene. Most people are understanding, and offer nods of affirmation to the parents, but there are always a few cranky patrons offering looks of disgust.

My mother had the job of getting me and my brother to church, and this was no easy task. I liked TV, and my brother liked to look good. One way or another we were destined for a 5-10 minute delay to any destination. Church was no exception.

For some reason church and school were the two places my mom wanted us to be on time. She ran back and forth between the two of us, frantically reminding us what time it was, and how much time we had left, and that if we didn't hurry we'd be late. And if we were late again...there would be hell to pay.

Now my mother never said their would be "hell to pay," because she doesn't like to say the word "hell." But it was implied. My mom never beat us, but on Sundays, I could tell she wanted to.

When we finally did get in our car for the 15 minute drive to church, it was 10:05. Church started at 10:15. You do the math.

The atmosphere in our car was tense, with my mom running every "orange" traffic light, and swerving around other cars. No one spoke the whole ride there, until we stepped foot onto the church grounds. Then my mother's mood would suddenly and magically improve as she greeted others on the way into church.

"Oh, hi Pat, how are you? So good to see you...yes, I'm wonderful, everything is just wonderful."

And from that point on it usually was.